Filed under: y'all get scared now, ya hear!
Filed under: Enough Rope
This is the christmas I want to give to you; the one which I want you to hold in the palm of your hands and clench in your fist as you are in your heart, this is how I want you to feel in the morning, like the way the song does. In the safe warm arms of poetry and rhyme and Gary Lightbody’s voice.
It’s been minutes, it’s been days,
it’s been all I will remember
Happy lost in your hair
and the cold side of the pillow
Your hills and valleys
are mapped by my intrepid fingers
And in a naked slumber,
I dream all this againCrack the shutters open wide,
I wanna bathe you in the light of day
And just watch you as the rays tangle up around your face and body
I could sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute
Cos the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you
I miss last year’s Christmas, surrounded by friends and constant distractions to keep the lonliness away. I’ve been so lucky, with friends that have swung by work to visit everyday. But I feel an emptiness, a longing; Its hard to seek Christ this Christmas.
I am still looking for my beacon of light to guide me home. (Where the sun is made of rainbows)
It’s been minutes, it’s been days, it’s been all I will remember
I should really get some sleep. But I can’t stop worrying. About work, readings, friends- (Thanks Nataneal for coming down with the readings!) I hate work. My mind races in the same flury of shoppers in the maddening crowd, the familiar blur that burns my memory.
(But I have a Christian Siriano-esq dress I bought along with another fab knitted piece from the Fox sale today!)
Sing me a sad song, cos thats what I wanna hear
I want you to make me cry
I don’t think I deserve the many lovely things I have in life.
Dealing with 929 gingerbread men with the same icing smile today (cos the new boy quit) was much bearable, cos my lovely friends came down for a visit! Sam came all the way down after training with a bottle of sparkly ribena :] I’m glad I took that dinner break despite the 1hour paycut. And then Jo and Christine came down to surprise me, aww, and then Tim Tan waited for me until I finished at around 10:30. I’m sorry we didn’t get to eat supper, Tim! Super tired, sigh.
So many people are leaving, Amanda is quitting tomorrow, so I won’t have a bus buddy anymore to amuse me with SC stories on the ride home. At least I still have XiaoJia and her swooning over Julian Hee who bough chocolates from her the other day.
But I am worried; I have so much homework left untouched. SRs is coming up real quick, and I’m missing a heckload of orientation prep like tomorrow’s mass dance practice. I spent my entire off day in the CCA meeting and then with Nathaneal at the Nat Lib copying history notes. And tomorrow is the last day I can actually take meal breaks till the end of Christmas, sigh. :/
it may not always be so; and i say
that if your lips, which i have loved, should touch
another’s, and your dear strong fingers clutch
her heart, as mine in time not far away;
if on another’s face your sweet hair lay
in such a silence as i know, or such
great writhing words as, uttering overmuch,
stand helplessly before the spirit at bay;if this should be, i say if this should be-
you of my heart, send me a little word;
that i may go unto her,and take her hands,
saying, Accept all happiness from me.Then shall i turn my face, and hear one bird
sing terribly afar in the lost lands.
that if your lips, which i have loved,
should touch another’s,
and your dear strong fingers clutch her heart
as mine in time not far away
I’m upset and I don’t really know why. My dreams are plagued with evil thoughts and nasty dilemmas about life and such and it gets so surreal that I feel pretty other worldly when I wake up. Work is getting busier as Christmas draws closer, the new boy came in so I’ve washed my hands off the 195 gingerbread men with the same smug icing smile over and over again that I will destroy if I see outside of work. But wahey, that’s not bad considering that there were 313 5days ago when I first started.
I carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go, you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
not fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is youhere is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars aparti carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
The art of losing isn’t hard to master. I’ve lost people, places, whole cities in my sleep- and so many things are filled with the intent to be loss that their loss is felt with no much more disaster than the last. And yet the cruel pain of the first repeats itself, I torment myself, over and over again. I know not happiness nor seek to discover it. This is where I am most comfortable, wallowing in my sin, my soul.
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart.
I am on my feet 12hours a day and I look at little kids that run up and smash themselves on my counter full of pralines, where one tiny square of chocolate will cost you as much as lunch. I handle hundreds of gingerbread everyday and panic when one goes missing- I wipe fingerprints from sticky kiddy hands off the glass display- stare daggers at the staff in the cake shop opposite, and have to spend my only off day in 3weeks of full shifts in school.
Tis the sad life of a minimum waged worker. Drop by and make my day :] (yes yes, staff discount.)
At least Sam and HX are back! I know I’m fully packed every single day till the end of feb of which then I will ascend the throne of Muggerdom. I don’t know how I am going to get in shape for SRs within 7days and in the same week prepare for open house and learn mass dance and oh shizzles I just remembered I’m house vicecaptain for orientation and I’ve yet to even get the reading materials for history homework.
God give me strength.
Don’t you run too fast my dear
Why don’t you stop?
Stop and listen to your tears
They’re all you got
You’ll go and I’ll be okay,
I can dream the rest away
Its just a little touch of fate, it will be okay
It sure takes its precious time, but it’s got rights and so have I
I turn my head up to the sky
I focus one thought at a time
I do not let the little thieves under my tightly buttoned sleeves
You couldn’t be alone, the time I feel like I am walking blind
I have no where I’ll have time
There are no legible signs
There are no legible signs
I like the way that you talk,
I like the way that you walk.
It’s hard to recreate such an individual game
You wait you turn in the queue,
You say your sorries and thank you’s
I don’t think you’re ever
A hundred percent in the room
You’re not in the room
You’re not in the room
Deepest, of the dark nights
here lies, the highest of highs
Neopolitan Dreams, stretching out to the sea
You wait you turn in the queue,
You say your sorries and thank yous
I don’t think you’re ever
A hundred percent in the room
You’re not in the room
You’re not in the room
You’ll go and I’ll be okay,
I can dream the rest away
It’s supposed to be the most beautiful time of the year.
Its time for needs and greed, and I really really want wayfarers (no, not the cheap imitations you see at Far East Plaza) and that fabulous Billabong Amore Overnighter Sam and I saw at Bugis D:
I am dreaming upon a white Christmas, the closest to which only dangles from my ears from those new snowflake earrings Sam’s sister and I both got; but I am lost in the sparkly lights and baubles- and Christmas, Christmas only means the rush of shoppers at the mall demanding a different colour, a different pattern, credit card discounts and twas the night before the shopgirl’s nightmare. So much for getting a holiday job… I start tonight.
Last night was another sleepless one with the blaring of sirens into my headphones with Criminal Minds on play; the finale of Season3 and the first episode of season4 is bloody fabulous, it’s like that one exhilarating journey I’ve been waiting for all this while.
I am an introvert an excavator
I’m duckin’ out for now
a face in dodgy elevators
Creep up and suddenly
I found myself
an innovatorChange, change, change,
I want to get up out of my skin
tell you what
if I can shake it
I’m ‘a make this
something worth dreaming of
I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up
If I could stand up mean for the things that I believe
The backspace key never looked so inviting. I am pounding out words and feeling the smoothness of the backspace key beneath my fingers over and over again, nothing seems adequate enough anymore.
Facil meeting twas fun, at least it finally gives me something other than the homework (that I am pretending does not exist) to do. We’re going shopping for our props and banner next week, and reading through online scripts for Dionysius parodies reminds me just how much I enjoy doing lit when it has nothing to do with actual work.
And there is too, the madness and flury of wall posts on facebook that are getting highly embarrassing with Rachel’s meanability and I scantly dare to think what she does to her Sims given that what happens on facebook is merely a microcausem of the workings of her sick, sick mind. (:
I am still waiting for See2 chalet photos and very very incriminating videos to be uploaded (Mark and Libo in a skirt!), Mark says something is happening online tonight and it better not be another session of Rachel on msn imitate. Someone plan See2 Christmas gathering please, I missed last year’s! ):
In my dreams
I can fly
I can swim
in the sky
and move like I’m dancing
on the air
to the music
everywhere
because you love me
yes you love meIn my dreams
there’s a place
I know somewhere
far away
I can feel it
and move like I’m dancing
on the air
to the music
everywhere
I have nothing to write about, nothing worth saying anymore. I am waiting for chalet photos to be uploaded, and pretending I don’t have to go to school tomorrow morning for facil training. I don’t feel like doing anything, I don’t feel anything. I should get off my butt, do something more with this time in my hands. Times are hard for dreamers.
without you today’s emotions would be the scurf of yesterday’s
