Filed under: future future future perfect
delayed, cos wordpress won’t publish this yesterday.
There are so many parts of Frightened Rabbit that we hear, aching to see a bare thigh or shin and getting so involved with the thought that it starts to feel real and you understand completely when they sing, “I need human heat.” It’s exactly the way you feel most nights. Not many people could deny that, nor would they want to.
—
Now what? In the interim that calls out for you to get a job everything seems to move in stasis. The clock follows another time zone altogether and the nights merge into sweaty encounters under strobe lights or snuggled under the duvet with episodes of CSI you’ve starved yourself from this last two months.
After prom my class cycled 34km from East Coast to Changi and back instead of Supperclub, and I’m off to Helipad in an hour. The time it takes for my class to upload photos it’s more likely that our ruling party will change (heh). I’ve still got LNAT to take, confirm my internship with M S Subra TT, next year’s debate training curriculum to plan and RI’s history syllabus to read up. But at least, I’ve hardly any obligations to fill this December, or what’s left of it.
I need human heat.
It’s the night, I can be who you like
And I’ll quietly leave before it gets light
Filed under: future future future perfect
Alis volat propriis: she flies with her own wings.
What’s left to lose?
You’ve done enough
And if you fail well then you fail but not to us
These last 3 years, I know they’ve been tough
But now its time to get out of the desert and into the sun.
Its when the clouds hang low in the sky but not oppressively so- it feels as if they are trying to reach out their cotton candy fingers to touch you, comfort from the heavens beyond the polluted skyline. And when the rumble of thunder is heard softly in the distance and it looks as if its just about to drizzle, the sky seeps into blue to purple and gold hues; my only thought is that you too will feel the sentimentality overcoming inside of you, 2 days before you graduate from CJC.
Today I felt crabby the whole morning, even the sight of a giant bottle of galactic glitter glue (alliteration!) sitting on my table when I came up from break (haha thanks Josh) didn’t stop me from getting all snappish. But in GP at noon Sab drew me a Phail Pony that reminded me not to be pissy, and then we spent all afternoon crafting. We did our graduation box and I glass decored the windows, and after Josh came over and we did more crafting to the smell of Ikea meatballs and Regina Spektor on Hazel’s iPod over the speakers. Two days to go, but I don’t want to leave just yet.
Allur heimurinn óskýr, nema þú stendur.
Hoppípolla, Í engum stígvélum
(Jump into puddles, with no boots on)
Most of all, I am doing this for the people who love me most, who’ve listened to me whine every day, who’ve watched me grow up, who’ve tolerated my dramatics, who’ve sacrificed their weekend filling out my reference for COAF because I’ve submitted it 48 hours before the deadline, stayed up nights digressing on the phone and texting under the table in class.
Mr T kept lambasting me during enrichment today, calling me the girl who’s disgruntled with CJC cos I “applied to RJC”, and that I wanted to do law “for the money”. But that’s not true, and I want you to know it. He doesn’t even teach me and today was the first time in my life I’ve spoken to him but he made me feel small, horrid even for the crimes of emotion I have not committed.
Counting today and the weekend, there are only 10 days of CJC left. During break the bunch of us were discussing about compiling a list of 10 awesome things to accomplish by the time these 10 days are out. I appealed to CJ with some intangible affirmation that these would be some of the best 2 years of my life, and I don’t think I’ve been proven wrong.
But still I’m so scared of not doing well enough for the amount of faith and effort so many people have put in for me.
Dear Reader; I’m trying my best.
i wanted to take
your hand and run with you
together toward
ourselves down the street to your street
And when the universe has finished exploding, all the stars will slow down, like a ball that has been thrown into the air, and they will come to a halt and they will all begin to fall toward the center of the universe again. And then there will be nothing to stop us from seeing all the stars in the world because they will all be moving toward us, gradually faster and faster, and we will know that the world is going to end soon because when we look up into the sky at night there will be no darkness, just the blazing light of billions and billions of stars, all falling.
—
I love birthdays because we get to have cake in class (again!), plus plus today during the history lecture Joy passed me shortbread she baked! I’ve been listening to too much Laura Marling and Sleeping At Last. There’s still so much to be done and time is fast running out.
These are just ghosts that broke my heart before I met you.
don’t say no to me you can’t say no to me because it was such a relief to have love again and to lie in bed and be held and touched and kissed and adored and your heart will leap when you hear my voice and see my smile and feel my breath on your neck and your heart will race when I want to see you and I will lie to you from day one and use you and screw you and break your heart because you broke mine first and you will love me more each day until the weight is unbearable and your life is mine and you’ll die alone because I will take what I want then walk away and owe you nothing and it’s always there it’s always been there and you cannot deny the life you feel fuck that life fuck that life fuck that life I have lost you now.
(more…)
She’s got you high and you don’t even know yet
She’s got you high and you don’t even know yet
It’s the search for the time before it leaves without you
Have you lost your mind or has she taken all of yours too?
Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We’ve lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it’s going to come to
Romance alive and hope she’s going to tell you
—
I’ve done my brows, hair, watched 500 Days of Summer, printed the stuff off Colac that I need for my coronation to Princess of Muggerdom tomorrow. This is it; 7 weeks to go.
Have you lost your mind
or has she taken all of yours too?
Filed under: future future future perfect
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?
—
Oh my god I cried at the end.
Autumn calls for reinvention, a change of scenery. Don’t hold back. Cut your hair, tell her you love her, tell him you’re leaving, start a band, leave your job, switch your major, do what makes you feel good. The choices you make now will pave the way for the rest of your life. Does that always have to be a negative thing? No no no no no no!!! Don’t be frightened, things will work out. Throw your heart into it & hold your chin up high. We’re going to make a beautiful future. This is the start of something remarkable.
—
Today I put The XX on repeat, fell asleep in the afternoon, trawled tumblrs and ignored the messages on my phone. I’ve The XX-ed tons of people, and On Your Porch-ed Oz last night. It doesn’t feel like there are 2 prelim papers left. It feels like giving up.
Happy birthday Suzy! 
You made it clear
You weren’t near
Near enough for me
During the whole of a dull, dark, and soundless day in the autumn of the year, when the clouds hung oppressively low in the heavens (…)
-Poe, The Fall of the House of Usher
Ms Rajan: Why does Poe keep referencing to autumn?
Class: Death!
Ms Rajan: Death comes in winter; but what’s more tragic than death?
Class: Dying.
—
Summer is all over now, and autumn brings the wind that blew my heart away. I feel really dumb for not buying the econs csq package now. :O But the Wizard of Oz is gonna save me, so that’s okay.
Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas any more.
