1. In the 6 days between 5 and 10 June 1967, Israel tripled their amount of occupied land mass. In the 6 days between today and the A Levels, I too am hoping to do great things.
2. I never liked your music. I said I did then, because things are beautiful when you love them and at that moment I loved it because you did. We walked into Topshop and you started getting very excited over a shirt of some famous 80s band and I was mentally juxtaposing it with the fact that you only ever sing Aslyn or Lifehouse when you forget that I’m on hold on the phone.
3. Why, I have a penchant for the dramatic panorama yes. I know you hate it but I couldn’t help it.
4. You never said you liked my music.
5. Current job offer count: 4; Debate coach, law internship, lit teacher x2.
6. Patrick and I are having our birthdays next week, which is really really sad because it means there are A Levels. And no cake. 
7. Lewd hand gestures suggesting vaginal penetration from across the school library (and a doggerel manner of name calling, i.e.: Bitch) are highly inappropriate.
8. CLAUSE (A) FOR 11 NOV: All birthday gifts must come attached with a hug.
9. CLAUSE (B) Should said gift be afore mentioned hug in Clause (A), it must be accompanied with declarations of undying love.
10. CLAUSE (C) Recommendations For Gifts. See also: Diana Mini, oodles of film, asos.com, and Little boys.
11. What’s left to loose?
You’ve done enough
And if you fail well then you fail but not to us
These last 3 years, I know they’ve been tough
But now its time to get out of the desert and into the sun
12. Even if its alone.
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart pumping so hard against my chest and my hair sticky to my neck and lips dry and I have to just get up and walk around the house for a bit before I can calm down. And so now most nights I’m afraid to fall asleep because I don’t want to wake up to another anxiety attack in the middle of the night and wonder where you are.
I think I’m turning into the very monster you told me I was turning into. But I also need this inward nastiness to push me forward, you know? Fuck, I’m such a catastrophe.
And I know you hate my music but tonight I just need to drown myself in whatever can make me forget- the anguish of another wasted day, math at 8am tomorrow, my senses slowly but surely detaching and forgetting the memory of your… your sillage. I’m so tired now and I haven’t written anything so honest about myself for so long.
weep for yourself, my man,
you’ll never be what is in your heart
weep little lion man,
you’re not as brave as you were at the start
Je pense que je t’aime, she’d said – “I think that I like you.” Or, “I think that I love you.” The French verb amier has two meanings. And that’s why he liked her, and loved her. She spoke to him in a language that no matter how hard you studied it, could not be completely understood.
John Green, An Abundance of Katherines
—
There is some fin de siècle about this period of time; and things like Soviet era trinkets, stumbling upon a flea market at Haji and the brow threading lady getting hilariously angry with Jo for twitching- these are all just going to diffuse into emptiness once the clock strikes midnight on Tuesday.
But in the dark, stripped down to your bones,
all that remains is you.
Henry:
Maybe I’m suffering from Compassion Fatigue Syndrome.
Robert:
And just what the fuck is that?
Henry:
When you’re overwhelmed, overwhelmed by a feeling- Drowning… in a feeling.
She wanted to exist only as a conscious flower,
prolonging and preserving herself.
And I am standing by the sidewalk, waiting at the corner of Me And You. I think I’ve missed a million buses by now, and I’m starting to learn the frequency of the traffic lights by heart.
Hello dear;
hello deer and you’re caught in headlights.
Forget the dragon,
leave the gun on the table,
this has nothing to do with happiness.
Dear Gorbachev
Where were you, Gorby, when the USSR collapsed? Did you watch as the Soviet Union that you filled with much love and hope and Perestroika disintegrate into a thousand suns? When the Christmas lights went up in 1991 I was newborn, but you were watching your own baby die. I’m old enough to understand now, Gorby, the feeling of helplessness. But I don’t know which is worst – the desolation now or the morning after of no resolve.
live through this
and you won’t look back
That is the fear: I have lost something important, and I cannot find it, and I need it. It is fear like if someone lost his glasses and went to the glasses store and they told him the world had run out of glasses and he would just have to do without.
Thomas Edison’s last words were: “It’s very beautiful over there.” I don’t know where there is, but I believe it’s somewhere, and I hope it’s beautiful.
And to get there, my heart would like to board a spaceplane and fly off into the clouds. Something kinda vertigo.
so what if you catch me, where would we land?
Filed under: y'all get scared now, ya hear! | Tags: Bas Jan Ader, Jeremy Messersmith
In 1975 Bas Jan Ader disappeared at sea while trying to sail from the East Coast of the United States to Europe as part of a project, In Search of the Miraculous.
Bas Jan Ader. His name was Bas Jan Ader and he was an artist who wanted to seek some form of artistic enlightenment, took a little sailboat out to sea and never returned.
there is a space in the clouds
where the two of us can hide
Hurricane (acoustic + piano) – Something Corporate
Shake down you make me break
For goodness sake
I think I’m on the edge
Of something new with you
Shout out don’t drown the sound
I’ll drown you out
You’ll never scream so loud
As I want to scream with you
/
You don’t do it on purpose
But you make me shake
Now I count the hours ’til you wake
With your babies breath
Breathe symphonies
Come on sweet catastrophe
Well,
Maybe this time I can follow through
i can feel complete
Stop paying dues
Stop the rain from falling
Keep my ocean calm
This time I know nothings wrong
—
My last year to compete and i miss the Foyle Young Poets’ deadline, fuck.
It happens accidentally,
in a heartbeat, in a single flashing,
throbbing moment.
It does not matter what we feel. What matters in the human experience is that we feel.
-Sab
You know what sucks? The complete dullness of a lack of some violent emotion running through my veins. Its the nothingness in the aftermath of prolonged periods of heartache. This should be an awesome time for me to shut up and focus on the fact that its 34 days to prelims but I’ve been writing nothing but uninspired crap for so long.
I’ve always been driven by the need to be emancipated from some horrid life sucking sadness. So now I surround myself with frivolity. I trawl tumblrs for some sense of emotional connection, put in the least effort I can muster into my tutorials.
I want to be in Chicago now with Debbie and Evonne and going to Lollapalooza and looking forward to college but now I’m just stuck here trying not to fall asleep because falling asleep would mean school coming a lot faster than it should.
There are too many inexplicable things around us – horrors, threats, mysteries that draw you in and then inevitably disenchant you. Back to the predictable and humdrum. The prince is never going to come, and maybe Sleeping Beauty’s dead.
It scares me that I can’t feel anything.
If your favorite song never ended,
or your best book never closed,
if the emotions mustered from these things would just go on and on,
who wouldn’t want to stay asleep?
